Archive for ‘sarcasm’

November 5, 2008

Things I’m doing under the new administration…

by Kyle Smith

Well it’s finally over, the election that is. I’m not surprised at all, and I’m honestly not too disappointed McCain’s not in there. Sure he could have thrown in a veto or two but that would have been about it.

Living in a socialist country is what I’m disappointed about. This is now the beginning of an interesting next 4 years, at least I hope it’ll only last that long. I found it rather funny that he’s already qualifying his promises by saying that it’ll take longer than four years to get things done. AKA, “I’ve made a ton of outrageous promises and I can’t really do all I said, so you might need to elect me again to give me more time to do all my greatness.”

I am glad to see that I was right that smooth talkin’ and empty promises can get you elected. I guess time will only tell if those promises are empty. But the smooth talkin’ part has been proven from day one.

Here’s a short list of things I’m doing in celebration of our new prez:

1. Before they start telling me how much money they’re taking from me to give to others, I’ve decided to start dumping a bag full of cash out my window on the way to work once a week. This way I at least know how much money I’m losing and where it’s going. Heck, I’m actually killing two birds with this one. The cotton in the cash is biodegradable so I’m being green too!

2. I’m going to stop paying my mortgage, car note, and credit bills. Why should I pay them when someone else could, or maybe the government can pass another bail out. Heck if I’m lucky they might even throw in a 55″ LCD flat screen if I’m lazy enough.

3. Get a part-time job. Why should I work so hard all week when someone else can do all the work and I can just reap their benefits? I’m thinking Best Buy, because I hear if you work there you get some great employee discounts.

4. Offer to be Schwarzenegger’s speech writer for the next presidential election. It’s obvious you don’t have to prove you’re a citizen anymore to run. I’m not too sure what his platform would be but he’s a celebrity and that’s all that matters.

5. Enroll in the military, at least I know I won’t have to fight a war ever. We’ll all just sit down and talk it out over a cup of tea. Hopefully it’s Earl Grey, that’s my favorite. Or maybe I’ll be chosen to serve in the SS …er… I mean the civilian army The Chosen One has spoken so openly about.

I guess I’m just going to have to cling to my guns and religion for the next few years, except I don’t have a gun…drat!

Let me know what things you’re doing to celebrate.

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