Irony at its finest…

So I recently was reading at great blog post about commercials and it reminded me of my commercial rant..er…more like point and  make fun of. I’m sure many of you have seen the new Miller Lite commercials about manning up. Now before I go any further, I’ll just go ahead and say it, “My name is Kyle Smith and I am a beer snob. Well not snob, but I know good beer and sorry but Miller Lite is AWFUL beer.”

The latest Miller Lite commercial really made me think about their marketing strategies because they pretty much call out everyone who drinks their beer…the actually made fun of the Ed Hardy crowd…ummm…hello…news flash…Ed Hardy wearers ARE THE ONES DRINKING YOUR BEER. Way to make fun of your own…next think you know Corona is going to start making fun of people who sit in chairs at the beach.

Lissie – Kid Cudi live cover – Pursuit Of Happiness

I don’t know what I like best about this…the song…the bass player playing the drums…or that she’s drinking Red Stripe from a can…either way…this is pure awesomeness…

FYI..there are a few naughty words for those who might mind…

I’m Still Here….

So I’m sure you might remember the bizzaro interview Joaquin Phoenix did on Letterman awhile back…well apparently he’s still doing his rap/hip-hop thing….I kinda want to see the movie…

and just incase you forgot about the interview he had on Letterman…

Pigeon Plague…

I remember being in the middle of Trafalgar Square feeding the multitude of pigeons, when suddenly a car back fired while driving by and all kabillion, yes that many, pigeons took flight and instantly ended my enthusiasm of being in Trafalgar Square. I guess Barcelona has had enough too….

Guns don’t kill people…people kill people…

Now before this all begins just know i support guns, so i don’t want to hear about how great guns are. But do know I’m pissed about redneck joe down the street shootin guns off in backyards.

Now that’s out of the way, let me begin…..

The following takes place between 9:30 – 11 Pm Wednesday, May 12…..

Wednesday's are dog hunting days!

9:30 PM – I’m watching TV, begin to dose off. But trying to stay awake b/c Nicole was on her way home.

9:45 PM – Begin drool phase in my sleep (I’m talking good sleep here)

10 PM – Four shots fired in my back yard….

10:00:005 PM – Burst into living room. Head pounding, i can hear my heart beat in my ears. Vision blurry from my drool-sleep.

10:00:10 PM – Make it to kitchen, see back door is wide open…(immediately think i’ve been robbed)

10:00:11 PM – Race into son’s room. He’s sleeping, nothing is waking him up.

10:00:15 PM – Hear voices outside, go into backyard to see my wife and neighbor talking. No one is screaming, no blood, no sirens. Panic ends.

10:05 PM – Pack, yes pack, of hunting neighbors with flash lights, dogs and guns wandering in and out of my backyard, my neighbors backyard and the 16 foot utility easement behind/still a part of mine and my neighbors yards. (we’ll refer to it as UE from now on, easier and quicker to type)

10:10 PM – My neighbor starts screaming for everyone to get off his property. They say it’s their prperty too b/c it’s the neighborhood easment….neighbor still insists they go else where and to stop shooting guns around his house. Adolescents of the hunters start cussing out neighbor and telling him they’re going to kill him…but thats not the point, i’ve digressed…but also what triggers the events to follow…

10:15 PM – Trying to calm things down, i talk to the pack of hunters, informed that stray dogs are killing all of the their cats (which if they just kept tabs on their cats and didn’t let them wander the neighborhood I’d still be sleeping in a good puddle of drool) Hunters inform me animal control told them to “take care of the animals themselves”. We inform them we’re not too thrilled with them shooting on our property, easement or no easement.

10:20 PM – My neighbor calls cops b/c hunters wont leave his property and for shooting on his property. They claim they’re in the UE.

10:30 PM – Cops show up. Tell us we’re in the county and you can shoot whatever and where ever you want as long as it’s not at a house. And since most of the houses don’t have fences it’s hard to say where private property is. But from what i gathered from the cops, you can honestly shoot on anyones property (grass) and it’s ok. I’m still kinda confused on this. I thought that it’s my private property…

10:40 PM – Still talking to cops. Getting cold and tired. Kinda pissed about the whole easement thing and the fact that people can go shooting guns in our neighborhood according to these 2 cops. Start thinking about how awesome of a sleep I was just awoken from.

10:45 PM – Cops go talk to hunters, neighbor goes in home to write letter to state officials, news stations, brothers, in-laws, home owners association.

11 PM – Go home and begin blogging…

Ok, so here’s everything I see wrong with this:

1.) We’re in a NEIGHBORHOOD, not some 100 acre ranch

2.) Who’s to say these dogs in question (that are getting shot at on this night) are actually stray and the same dogs killing cats. I mean, what if this is actually just someone’s dog that got out for the night!?

3.) If the cats weren’t running amuck, and peeing all over everyones porches, then they wouldn’t be getting eatin up. Heck, I guess I can start shooting at all the ?!@##$%@#$%# cats all over my property.

4.) I have a two year old, and even if you shoot away from my house that bullet could ricochet. It’s freakin’ pitch black at the back of the property, shooting into darkness is STUPID!! Though our lots are .5-.75 acres, we’re still in too close of quarters to be shootin at things going bump in the dark.

5.) The cops could have cared less that people are running around shooting at things. I know it’s legal in the county but c’mon.

I’d love to hear what everyone thinks about this. Can people honestly just go shooting at things even if they’re in my yard? I live in Brazoria County.

Here’s what my wife has to say about it all

“I just realized that the resale value of my house just went down because I offcially have the most white trash people living a few doors down. How do you explain to a potential buyer, “oh don’t be alarmed…Wednesdays are dog-hunting days! And no, those aren’t sailors they are just the hunters foul-mouthed trashy children.” ridiculous. If Jerry Springer made house calls he’d be down the street at their double wide right now. “

Technology is a distraction to our democracy…

I was reading a recent Yahoo! tech blog about Obama’s recent commencement speech where he discusses how technology (iPads, iPhones, iPods, Xbox, PS3) is a “…distraction, a diversion, a form of entertainment, rather than a tool of empowerment, rather than the means of emancipation. So all of this is not only putting pressure on you; it’s putting new pressure on our country and on our democracy…”

Now I’ll be the first to say that as a parent you should make your kid put down the controller everynow and then and exercise, read or do something “productive”, but really???? pressure on our democracy? c’mon.

I know what he was doing, he was trying to throw in those catch phrases and hot topics into his “relevant” speech but I think dismissing the Xbox and iPods to a graduating college class might be the wrong audience for that. His hip, current persona is slowly fading and it’s only a matter of time before everyone starts to realize he’s just another middle-aged politician willing to say and promise anything for a vote.

The irony is that he’s saying how much of a distraction all these technological devices are yet, wasn’t he the one throwing a fit about having to give up his blackberry when he took office?? Newsflash…Blackberrys and iPhones are the same…except iPhones blow blackberry outta the water.

And are TV’s next? They’re just as much of a distraction. Laptops. GPS. Blu-Ray players. I guess anything you plug into the wall is a distraction and is putting pressure on our democracy….especially anything the government can’t control the message through…ugh….politics. And why would you take shots at both Microsoft and Apple, he must have stock in Acer…..

Spring is here…

Just in time for Easter, spring has decided to show it’s happy little face. Though I did keep Jackson home sick today, he finally started feeling better this afternoon (after 24 hrs of being cooped up in the house) so I took him to the park with my mom and snapped a few photos while we were there (insert shameless plug to my photography biz blog, kylesmithphotography.wordpress.com).

Kyle Smith Photography

Moving on…This Easter is a little different than others because I don’t have a “home” church to attend. This is the first time…well, ever that I don’t have a church to call home. I feel like a heathen, hahaha. That really did make me laugh, not sure why. I think I’m finally done throwing my pity party, or whatever it was that I’ve been doing this past year, and I’m aching to find a church. I constantly find myself wanting more, trying to find something to make things better and there’s only one thing that keeps coming back to me, Jesus. Now I’m not going to get preachy, or I might (this is my blog), and I don’t want to sound too cliche (but there’s really no way around it) but I think it really had to take me kicking a screaming (figuratively, of course, maybe, stop accusing me and keep reading) trying to do it on my own to realize that I’m nothing without Jesus. I miss church. I miss my relationship with God. I miss my relationships with other believers (to those that I’m friends with and are believers, obviously I’m not referring to you, you’re not chopped liver and I cherish our relationships). So to sum things up, I.WANT.JESUS.

Church or Jesus…

I was browsing some past drafts that I’ve started and never finished. So here’s one that i think is worth a share. I honestly can’t remember where I was going with this one. Maybe a venting session. Maybe I was actually working up to a point. Who knows.

Well a lot has happened since my initially beginning this blog.  I got a new job, things were great, wife is amazing, son is my world, and then it happened. Nicole got laid off in April. Sparing boring details, I’ve been dormant for five months. In my faith, relationships, everything.

It wasn’t really even the layoff itself. It was just the cherry on top. The main root of my discontent was church. Not Jesus. Church.

I’ve gone to church since I was in the second grade, when my dad met my step-mom. I’m thankful everyday that they met, but for my own selfish reasons. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have met Jesus. It was a CHARISMATIC church, but it was the only church I had been to regularly. Speaking in tongues from the pulpit, dancing down the isles, waving banners, people passing out in the congregation, rock music is of the devil, Yaga brand clothes were satanic. But this was church, this was all I knew. For me, this was Christianity.

Now I’m not starting a theological debate, well I guess I am. But I’m not going to debate speaking in tongues. Read the Bible on that one. I’m not here to decide what is or isn’t “Biblical”.

We stopped going to that church, don’t really remember why. We went on down the road to a Baptist church. It was so weird, people acted kinda normal at this church. Not everything was so over the top. Now is this a good or bad thing, well that’s kinda where I’m at in my road in life. But we’ll get back to this.

I met people that weren’t sheltered. I met people that didn’t scoff at me for liking The Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Bush, Puff Daddy, The Offspring. I could still be a Christian and like rock music? But how can it be? I thought it was satanic? I got in trouble for wearing a Hard Rock Cafe shirt to my old church, does this mean my new church likes Hard Rock Cafe?

Our church moved cities and we stuck with it. I was in high school at this point and started to actually read the Bible and start thinking for myself on Christianity. Something now, even though pastors would say otherwise, I’m noticing most churches don’t want you to do. Not that I’m calling out any pastor, youth pastor, children’s pastor that I’ve ever met or gone to church with.

My main problem was that I had the “I go to church and I’m better than everyone else” syndrome in high school. I missed out on so many opportunities, so many relationships, because they didn’t go to church so I couldn’t possibly be friends with them. I also had the “I go to church but I don’t really want to tell anyone else about it because I might not keep all my friends syndrome”. Little did I know I would not really keep in close touch with hardly anyone from high school. Huge opportunity missed.

I was very involved with the youth group and really didn’t have any complaints with my life. It was really ok with me that I spent most of my time at church, but I didn’t spend a lot of time trying to get others into church. It seems to me that so many churches suffer from this. It’s all about me. All about MY salvation. All about MY church. I don’t want anyone new at MY church because I’m comfortable. But I was in the in crowd so it was all good.

I then went off to college. Had the freedom of not having to go to church. Not that I didn’t like going, but sometimes you just don’t feel like waking up. That’s where Campus Crusades for Christ came in. I could go to church on Thursday night and be good for the week. Well sorta. I soon realized…after a year…that I needed a church. I went to Grace Bible church in Nacogdoches and got a taste of something I never had before. A church that didn’t push a religion. It just taught the Bible and taught you how to read and break down the Bible. It was amazing. I was actually reading the Bible and learning about my faith, my God, my Savior. And guess what else. I actually made genuine relationships with people. I did have a few from my youth group, but they never reached the level as the ones at Grace did.

I know what you’re thinking. I want to know where I was heading with this too. We left our church a little over a year ago and I think that had a lot to do with this post. The main thing was that when we left we had to start looking for a new church. I’ve always overly invested myself in my church but was never putting enough back into me. So, over the past few years I’ve admittedly become jaded with the church. I guess time and time again people and churches have let me down. Or did they? My entire life I’ve always placed my church relationships on a pedestal. It’s taken me up until these past few years to realize that everyone at a church is a human. Shocking, I know. But I’ve had pastors that have deeply disappointed me. But when they did, I treated it like it was God that was letting me down. Though pastors have a greater responsibility for their church, they’re still sinners. They still screw up. But why is that so hard to accept?  Still don’t have the answer to that one. But I think knowing this helps me with my church relationships. Nothing bothers me more than for people to be something they’re not at church. All my life everyone at church puts on those smiling faces and speaks only of their perfect lives. Never of their problems or struggles. So no wonder I think that everyone at a church has to be flawless. For a few years in college I was able to experience the true relationships at church. But that was it. I constantly feel judged at church. I feel as though if I’m not involved with something I’m just not a good Christian. I’ve never just gone to church. I’ve never just been a regular attendee. I’ve always taught Sunday school, bible study, small groups, played in the worship team, helped set up chairs, interned, taught kids church…but I’ve never just gone to church. So, that’s what I’m doing now. I’m just going to church. I’m not saying that I’ll never to any of aforementioned things again.

So for now, it’s me and God time. I’m being selfish and I know it.

Drastic times call for drastic measures….

My wife passed this video along to me, given our current state of the economy it might be worth trying this to get a job…

THE Men Rules…

Ironically enough this was an email sent to me from my wife…

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.
It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can –
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can –
to give them a bigger laugh.