Well thankfully in exactly a week all of this political garbage will be coming to a close, at least one would hope. During this campaign I’ve heard a ton of great things come out of the two stooges running for office but I’m worried none of it will ever happen. Some one sent me a joke about a guy choosing between heaven and hell and he went to hell and played golf, hung out with his friends, and just did everything he would love to do everyday. So when he went back to the pearly gates he told them he’d rather go to hell. Upon arrival back to hell, the place was hot, dry, full of trash and everyone was so miserable. He asked what happened to the place he just left and the devil simply responded, “We were campaigning last time you were here.”
I think that’s what is going to happen to America after this election. And in fact, this election reminds me of when I ran for student council president in the 5th grade. At my elementary, student council prez was the top of the top. If you were prez, you were officially the coolest most popular kid around. So naturally, I had to be the prez!
We campaigned for a week and then at the close of the week we would stand in front of the entire school and give our speech as to why we should be president. Before I get started, I should tell you that by now I had been involved with local politics for about three years. And though I was only in the 5th grade, I knew politicians just said what they needed to say to get elected.
So I waited to give my speech as one of my opponents was giving his speech. “Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. I understand that in order for something to be great you need all the parts. A big mac wouldn’t be the same without the sauce, and as president I know that our school wouldn’t be the same without all of you…” (this really was his speech, no lie). He concluded and then it was time for the big dog to step up and give the speech.
Just so you know, I was actually peeing my pants when I was giving my speech. I hated talking in front of large crowds but I knew my platform was way better than the other candidates. And as my discipline records showed, I knew how to entertain a crowd and talk, talk, talk.(My speech might not have gone exactly like this, but it was pretty darn close)
Ahem…”Good morning. My name is Kyle Smith and I’m running for president. As president I think that things should be changed and we should all be more equal. One of the first things I will do is allow students to give teachers conduct marks. If they’re allowed to give us conduct marks, it’s only fair for us to do the same. I also think that if they’re allowed to have coke machines in the teachers lounge then we should get them in the cafeteria. So after I give us the right to give teachers conduct marks, I will add coke machines in the cafeteria, and along with the coke machines I will add candy bar machines. I know what it’s like to be a student, and as president I will make sure school is more fun. We’ll have recess all day and only have a 20 minute break for classes…”
I’m sure I made plenty more empty promises, but the point is I got elected. By a lot. And what was even better is that as I was giving my speech I knew good and well that none of the things I was saying would ever happen. And a part of me knows that the students who voted for me knew nothing would really happen but boy it sounded good!
So the moral of the story is:
Smooth talkin’ and empty promises can get you elected.